Friday, May 11, 2012

Since we've been gone....

from the blog that is, I think I should finally write an official update.  What do you think?  :o)

So, as some of you know, Josh and I are expecting our second baby.  And it is not through adoption as we planned, I am pregnant.  I know, right?  I think I am finally out of the state of shock and awe that I have been in and can finally announce that I am doing well.  So is baby.  I am about 14 weeks pregnant and we couldn't be more excited.

Now to the fun/maybe a little sassy/but oh so important part.  And I am just going to apologize in advance, but it is something that I feel really needs to be said. What I want to address are some of the most said comments I have gotten since starting to tell people that we are expecting (after all the craziness that we went through to have Madelyn).  First of all let me be clear, I did NOTHING to make this pregnancy happen (expect the obvious and even that is a huge question mark...)  God blessed us with this baby.  Period.  I did not stop thinking about having a baby, I didn't all of a sudden give things up to God and start trusting Him, and I certainly did not start the adoption process with the underlying hope that I would some how, some day still get pregnant.  No.  In fact, Josh and I felt pretty certain that we were doing what God called us to do, and that was grow our family through adoption.  We were unclear what that specifically looked like in our life when we found out we were expecting, but we were pushing forward on the adoption front and felt positive about it.  And as someone that has gone through all the infertility ups and downs it is important for me to state, especially to all of you have no idea what it is like to go through something like that, that even though our family's story is now very similar to lots of other peoples, it is not everyone's story.  So minimizing what we are experiencing by saying that you hear our story all the time does nothing to congratulate me.  In fact it frustrates me for many reasons.  Lots of people are cured of cancer, but does that make it less exciting when one more is cured.  No, we should rejoice with people always and not just say, "Yeah, you hear that all the time."  Plus, when I was trying to get pregnant the first time I had people tell me those stories over and over again, and I am not sure what they intended to accomplish.  I heard, "So and so adopted/started to adopt/got the adoption paperwork sent in and then got pregnant."  I had no idea how to handle that comment.  Were they telling me to start the adoption process and I would get pregnant?  I know many people who have adopted kids and never got pregnant.  So, I was confused and felt even worse about my situation.  Those type of statements, along with just let go and let God, or whatever else you hear, just make you feel like you are doing something wrong.  That you are doing something that is keeping God from blessing you.  Similarly it says to me that the people that say those things think that what we do effects how God blesses us.  Neither is true.  But when you already feel like you are broken, being told that you are failing in other areas does not help the situation.

So why do I say all this? I want people to know that my story is amazing.  Whether it is common or not, Josh and I tried for three and a half years to have a baby (and were having unprotected sex for years prior to "trying".)  So the fact that we could not get pregnant naturally was pretty glaring.  We did not jump into IVF.  We went through a lot with each other and God to get us to the point of trying IVF.  We never felt like we were trying to be God or alter the way God intended for us to have kids.  In fact we looked at all options to grow our family as options that God placed here in front of us, and after praying for three months, finally decided on one.  The decision to go through infertility was a hard one and was not an easy road for Josh or myself (for those of you who think IVF is kind of the easiest, fastest way to have kids).  We had to trust God all the time through this process and we have never felt like it was a bad decision.  And we certainly do not feel like this could have happened this first time if we would have just waited a little longer.  I think everything we went through the first time was also from God.  And now that we are having Baby Thye 2 without all that craziness is just too cool.  We couldn't be happier.  God met us where we were at in so many ways (so many that I should probably write a whole other blog entry about that).  We are floored that we get to experience this as a family, and are very grateful for the things in our life that we do not deserve, including this baby.

Thank you for listening to my ramblings, but I felt like it needed to be said.  And if you think you are the target of this blog entry, I assure you that you are not.  I have heard these things from sooooo many people that I have kind of lost track.  :o)  I know most people say things just to say something.  They don't really know what to say because they have never been through something like that.  Or they just say the things that have become cliche. So I really am not mad at anyone.  Just take what I said as my personal testimony.  As insight into something that you may or may not know anything about.  Plus, if you are even reading this blog it means we love and appreciate you in our lives.

So, please be in touch for much more exciting things, like our new house, summer trips and maybe even some belly pics.  :o)